Monday, May 12, 2014

On Controlling Behaviors

Controlling behaviors are born from a view of separation and unmet needs in childhood. If someone feels helpless, unimportant, and unseen as a child, they may try to be the one in control (power) as an adult. This is why we see cycles of abuse in families such as manipulation and one-sided conversations repeating generation after generation. The children of the abusers grow up to be the ones who control others in order to feel like they matter, in order to be seen, in order to be heard and in order to feel alive. Behind the mask of the controller is an insecure wounded child, full of anxiety, who is just wanting validation and is acting out the role they think will give that to them, because they never learned how to attach to their own source of love and validation.

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